Peet Brits

Hmm, but that doesn't make any sense…

When should people divorce?

Posted by Peet Brits on January 22, 2010


The question of divorce is a very significant one, especially with the increasingly high divorce rate. On the one extreme, Christians would say that people should not divorce, because they made a promise before God. I cannot help but feel that they are somehow dodging the real question. The other extreme would say that people should simply live together, or use their first marriage as a trial marriage. Do these people even realise how much hurt this can bring, especially to the children?

I am happy to say that I have recently heard a discussion on the radio that would properly answer the question. This is from someone who attended a marriage counselling seminar. The topic eventually turned to divorce, and the professor made an interesting statement.

Note: This was a secular event, so there was no religious bias in the reply.

This is how the conversation went:

“So doctor, when should we suggest a divorce?”

“Never.”

“Never? Did you say never?”

“Yes, never. The person you married is the person you were supposed to marry. If you divorce and marry again, then you will marry the same person, just with a different face and a different name.”

I think that speaks for itself. I only have one thing to add. Lately I have become convinced that the family is the foundation of society. If you destroy the family, then you will eventually destroy society.

Agree? Disagree? I’d love to hear your comments.

The question of divorce is a very significant one, especially with the increasingly high divorce rate. On the one extreme, Christians would say that people should not divorce, because they made a promise before God. I cannot help but feel that they are somehow dodging the real question. The other extreme would say that people should simply live together, or use their first marriage as a trial marriage. Do these people even realise how much hurt this can bring, especially to the children?

I am happy to say that I have recently heard a discussion on the radio that would properly answer the question. This is from someone who attended a marriage counselling seminar. The topic eventually turned to divorce, and the professor made an interesting statement. Note that this was a secular event, so there was no religious bias in the reply.

This is how the conversation went:

“So doctor, when should we suggest a divorce?”

“Never.”

“Never? Did you say never?”

“Yes, never. The person you married is the person you were supposed to marry. If you divorce and marry again, then you will marry the same person, just with a different face and a different name.”

I think that speaks for itself. I only have one thing to add. Lately I have become convinced that the family is the foundation of society. If you destroy the family, then you will eventually destroy society.

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5 Responses to “When should people divorce?”

  1. Peet Brits said

    Nice tips about sticking together for the long run. If nothing else, at least read the statements in bold.

    http://punchitin.wordpress.com/2010/01/14/questions-answered-part-i/

  2. Marthinus said

    To me marriage is like a car, you trade it in every 4 of 5 years or so.

  3. Pieter said

    Nearly 30 years ago, before I utter those famous words, I have already considered the consequences over and over again. When it flew from my lips, I knew it is for keeps: “I do!”

    A few quotes that make sense to me:

    When people get married because they think it’s a long-time love affair, they’ll be divorced very soon, because all love affairs end in disappointment. But marriage is a recognition of a spiritual identity. Joseph Campbell

    Do not seek the because – in love there is no because, no reason, no explanation, no solutions. Anais Nin

    It takes one person to forgive, it takes two people to be reunited. Lewis B. Smedes

    Immature love says: ‘I love you because I need you.’ Mature love says ‘I need you because I love you.’ Erich Fromm

    I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love. Mother Teresa

    “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” Mahatma Gandhi

    “Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that he automatically deserves great success in any field of activity; yet almost everyone believes that he automatically deserves success in marriage.” Sydney J. Harris

    Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish it’s source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings. Anais Nin

    Mosselkraker

  4. Look Here said

    Its like you read my mind! You seem to know so much about this,
    like you wrote the book in it or something. I think that you could do with some pics to drive the
    message home a bit, but instead of that, this
    is excellent blog. A great read. I will certainly be back.

  5. Peet Brits said

    This blog is mostly dead. I’ve had some interesting new ideas lately but did not bother to post them, mostly because I do not think anybody actually reads my blog 🙂
    Thanks for the comment!

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